Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I'm Just Saying Tho....

I need a crack team of investigators to check this out please….they related some kinda way…I don’t care what no one say!!  And I believe if Jermaine knew that was his own seed he would have been rapping for a check A LONG TIME AGO!!!...now he with Lil Wayne and making Young Money all kinds of cheese. How could Jermaine let this happen?? Is he outsourcing his child exploitation now?  Hmmmm…..well like Lil Chuckie say “ he all over the bread like a sesame seed” and if Pops is getting too old to exploit like he used to, than hell, let Wayne get a shot!!




Wednesday, April 8, 2009


Am I the only one that didn’t know??......rap boy extraordinaire, Wayne’s ghostwriter (side-eye @ City) Drake is a Canadian actor and was/is in Degrassi High: the next Generation….ummmm yeaaahhh..dude is extremely H-O-O-D….i’m watchin Saturday morning T.V. nonsense with my daughter the other day and I see this shit!!..so I’m like “hell naw, that aint HIM!”  well I took it to Google…and yes the fuck it is….all I can say is WOW…*walking off singing* “and we like her, and we like her too…and we like her too!”



Thursday, March 26, 2009

Actual Ad on Craigs.List

Avoid scams and fraud by dealing locally! Beware any deal involving Western Union, Moneygram, wire transfer, cashier check, money order, shipping, escrow, or any promise of transaction protection/certification/guarantee. More info

Now casting Music Video for "I Wanna Be Your Thong" (Lower East Side)

Reply to: epilepticarson@gmail.com [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-03-22, 2:36PM EDT

Epileptic/Arson Productions is now casting actors and actresses for a music video called: "I Wanna Be Your Thong" by the illest up and coming rap artist: "Ghetto Blood Drinka".

The premise of the video is a fictitious porno film shoot called "Inter-racial Creamfest Orgie 5". A line of 30-40 of the dopest bitches and hoes are waiting to give oral pleasure to "GBD" in order to get cast in the film when all of a sudden the dopest of the dope, flyest, sweet-ass she-honey appears on her knees before "GBD" causing him to break into song and perform his new single called "I Wanna Be Your Thong".

We need the best looking bitches and g's the streets have to offer. You must be willing to T-bag and bottom from the top and dance experience is a plus. Free food and crunk juice will be supplied for the video shoot in Queens at the end of April.
Send your head and body shots to epilepticarson@gmail.com.

For more info on other Epileptic/Arson productions please visit: COPBAR.TV

  • Compensation: open
  • Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
  • Please, no phone calls about this job!
  • Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
PostingID: 1086769102

LMAAAAAAAAOOOOO….i hope this is fake. I really, really do!!!


Thanks, Videogum!



Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Things a Woman Should Never say...and I DO!!

So I read this post @ Yoddle Pop… (http://yoddlepop.blogspot.com/2009/03/7-things-woman-should-avoid-saying-to.html )     and I have to say I was SHOCKED!!...lol….i say some of these things ALL THE TIME!!   I am quick to tell a mafukka  “im just doing me”….but in all fairness I basically say that when what I mean is, I don’t want you to do a mafukkn thing for me! Or I don’t like dude anyways. Why if a woman is “just chillin”  ..meaning she doesn’t want a relationship rite now, she gotta be hoe’n??   DAYUM!....and I am QUICK to tell a dude I got a real mannish mentality…I think I think like a dude!..and apparently that’s gross!!??  Lmaoooo  I mean for a woman to be a “woman” now a days are we just supposed to keep a smile on our face, act like we don’t know no better, and let u think we are falling for the weak ass game most of ya’ll be spitting??  I mean  FUCK!....the hell we supposed to do!  Fall victim to the game or risk being unladylike??


How bout 7 things a man should never say to a woman:  this list is for when you are just meeting someone…trying to holla, or just vibe’n.



1. Damn, why you single?-  ummm, cuz I cant stand ya’ll asses and u don’t know how to act…so why imma lock it down in a relationship??   CUZ I AM!  That just show me you worried bout the wrong thing. Do men expect a woman to say   “cuz im crazy…and I put my last man in jail…so that kinda broke us up”


2. any sex related questions, and we just met….  Don’t ask me my fav position, my hot spots or when was the last time I got some. That just shows me what is on ur mind and u are not getting my snatch and throwing the deuces…now this type of conversation is ok if a) I start it or b) we been kicking it awhile and its about that time to take it to that level.


3. I love you…  if we talking a week and u tell me that you love me…clearly u are crazy!  There just aint NO WAY! You don’t even know me!!!


4. I just want a REAL ass female…  what does that mean?? U want a ghetto bitch that u can tell anything to and she don’t give a damn?...you want a chick that will fight in the streets for you??  What I think it means is you want a female that will suck the dick, toss the pussy up like a lay up and wont question you…NOT ME!


5. I got a baby on the way..   self explanatory.


6. over aggressive relationship type shit….  Why are you asking me if I want to be with you and I don’t even really know you yet?  Why does the fact we talking..kicking it, whatever, need to be defined?? I don’t know you enough to know if I want to be your girlfriend! Why are you trying to pressure me into giving you the answer you want??....that just kinda let me know you might be a duck…and I could probably get away with anything….desperate aint a good look.



7. when you gonna spend the night?...  ummm…if as a grown ass man you don’t know the key to subtlety than I don’t know how to help you. And I am not in the mood to tell you how to act to get what you want. Some things you shouldn’t just ask for….thats like asking “when we gonna fuck?”  I’m saying, if you see a hoe, than slap a hoe….dont talk to me like im sum trick and think you gonna get ANYWHERE with me!



That’s just 7 of em!!...i can say so much more!!.....but we gonna leave it at that….for now!




Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Not A Fail in My Book!!

BWAAHAAAHHAAA…..now this is some soap I can see spending sum time with me in the shower!! I am soooo nas and tee!

FW: Cold-Blooded

“I got an ice box where my heart used to beeeeee”

So this lil rant comes courtesy of the GOURGOUSNESS that is LEGS and my boo boo ACOLYTE……I have decided for right now to just be cold-blooded. I think too many times woman make decisions based on how it will affect the other person. I know I have!! And its really just bullshit!! We gotta do for us! Cause I really feel most men ain’t worried bout us!! They don’t have deep, thoughtful feelings like we do! When we go out, and we see something we think our man would like, we BUY IT!! Do they?....when we cook, even if they are not home, we cook for them. Do they? I am so over giving, and sacrificing, and stressing over a mafukka that doesn’t have the common courtesy to do the same. Now, im not saying all men…if ur man is the shit, and u know it…good for you! Hold on to him cuz it ain’t many like him!! But the woman in relationships that are unsure (legsy) or stressing on how to make it work, make it better…I say FUCK THAT SHIT!! If he aint giving 150% he don’t deserve you!! If he isn’t just as thoughtful, considerate, and sweet as u are..FUCK HIM!! I just don’t give a damn no more!...if u aint bringing something to the table that I don’t already have, than u need to get up from the damn table!! If I can do it my damn self, why do I need the headache that is YOU?? I think this level of fuckery is classified as INDIFFERENCE…and I must say, I am happy to have finally reached it!!

And the let the church say WOOO SAAA!!

Kinks and What not

Lmaaaaaaaoooo @ my e-mail legal disclaimer on my last post…..MY BAD!  Im still trying to figure out this e-mail to blogger…since Suntrust wanted to get all ratchetty and start blocking random ass shit I have been unable to post..but ACO fixed that for me….just gotta make sure its working ok.   Can ya’ll see the pics on the last two posts?




“I got an ice box where my heart used to beeeeee”

So this lil rant comes courtesy of the GOURGOUSNESS that is LEGS and my boo boo ACOLYTE……I have decided for right now to just be cold-blooded. I think too many times woman make decisions based on how it will affect the other person. I know I have!! And its really just bullshit!! We gotta do for us! Cause I really feel most men ain’t worried bout us!! They don’t have deep, thoughtful feelings like we do! When we go out, and we see something we think our man would like, we BUY IT!! Do they?....when we cook, even if they are not home, we cook for them. Do they? I am so over giving, and sacrificing, and stressing over a mafukka that doesn’t have the common courtesy to do the same. Now, im not saying all men…if ur man is the shit, and u know it…good for you! Hold on to him cuz it ain’t many like him!! But the woman in relationships that are unsure (legsy) or stressing on how to make it work, make it better…I say FUCK THAT SHIT!! If he aint giving 150% he don’t deserve you!! If he isn’t just as thoughtful, considerate, and sweet as u are..FUCK HIM!! I just don’t give a damn no more!...if u aint bringing something to the table that I don’t already have, than u need to get up from the damn table!! If I can do it my damn self, why do I need the headache that is YOU?? I think this level of fuckery is classified as INDIFFERENCE…and I must say, I am happy to have finally reached it!!

And the let the church say WOOO SAAA!!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Atlanta Can Sleep At Night Now!

I dont know bout ya'll, but Praise The Lord....Skinty Mini and Shorty Doo Wop have settled they beef.

they was beefing over what???? anybody know?

I love the story/gossip i heard that T.I went to Rocko b-day party and told Tiny to get her ass up, they was leaving cuz Monica and dem had seated Tiny roght next to Shawty and his wife....funny stuff..but now all of that is behind him and all is right in the world....*amen* and on a side note....dont Tiny look (besides ugly as fukk) like she think " am i allowed to be this close to u now?? this is okay? im not guna get bust in my mouth, right?"

technical difficulties

i ont know WTF Suntrust tryna do to me....but i think they blockin this shit...i wanted to do a post bout Shawty Lo and T.I. squashing they lil unneccesary beef..but i cant post the pics i want to!!! i swear for God...i will start looking for anuth job if they take my stress relieveing outlet from me....either that or imma start cussing these ignorant ass mafukkas out on the phone.......stay tuned...imma try and get this shit worked out!!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Fuckin Poncho

i stole this from YoddlePop http://www.yoddlepop.blogspot.com/ LMAOOO that shit funny as hell to me....just made me giggle like a fool! -Holy Shit! its beige -Pretend you aint fat! lmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaoooooo that shit is funny!!....thanks Yoddle!!!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Mr. Mississippi

i had to add a little more testosterone up in threw here..i found this while browsing the web....LMAO....i dont care whats been reported on him lately with this nonsense talking bout "its a black on black crime for black woman to perm their hair"...clearly he just a lil ignorant, or maybe it was taken out of context. but look at him!!...look at that face!..brauh look like he will TEAR IT UP!!!...just call him THE COOKIE MONSTER...cuz he look like he LOVE TO EAT!!!.....laaawddddyyyyy...and everytime i see him now i just think of that scene in Black Snake Moan where he is beating Christina Ricci lil ass out the frame againt that motel mirror!!....DAMMITT MANNNN.....i think if he was round me i'd have that sickness too!!! shiiietttt!!

Gucci Mane La Fleur

i had been tanging it up too much up in here lately....but ya'll know how i like my mens....that tall glass of diabetes sweet tea thats been out homo'n it up lately aint it....take a look at this damn delisciousness here!!! *siigghhhh* Gucci say "short, skinny, tall, he'll fuck em all...big butt, no butt, bolegs..i dont even care, as long as she a freak freak freaky" so u know if i ever see him its on like Donkey Kong....i'd do him in that blue fur he got...*looked like he killed Sully from Monsters, Inc* i'd do him in his Bart Simpson chain, *do the BART-MAN*, i'd do him in his Odie chain..*Garfield like to eat...maybe Odie do too*....if ya'll sleepin on Gucci Mane go cop his Mr. Perfect mix-tape...that shit is hotttt!!! him and OJ da Juiceman and Yo Gotti...great collabo!!...the whole CD riding really....u can just put it in and play.... "quarter brick, half a brick, whole brick AYE!.....quarter pound, half a pound, whole pound OKAY!"
and really any dude that say " i like the white girl, cuz im not racist" is gooooood with me!!!

Friday, February 27, 2009





Friday, February 20, 2009

Hells Bells and panther tracks.....

lmao...my sis and i was emailing back and forth and she said she heard an old lady @ her job say "hells bells and panther tracks".....and she bout fell out....how random is pather tracks tho? got me to thinkin...can it just be random as hell and still work?? here's my new sayings im adding to my venacular.....

hells bells and twat-waffles

hells bells and o-rang-a-tang jizz

hells bells and douche pizza

hells bells and smutty draws

hells bells and plastic soup

hells bells and crumbly crabs

hells bells and roastbeef puss

hells bells and ri-ri's "after" face *too soon? mmmaybe

hells bells and swirly garbage juice



Wednesday, February 18, 2009

80's Babies

so i guess alot of fads and fashions from the 80's are making a come back. just look at Kanye, he's a walking advertisement for 1982. some things i loved in the 80's. and while it was hot in the 80's, it aint so much in 2009. so here is a trip down memory lane for me. i was born in 1980 in Plantation Florida. so my childhood memories and fads might be different from the rest of ya'll. if u had some fads and memories that were region specific drop em in the comments!! and most of this goes into the early 90's too! imma start with as early as i can remember and move to the teenage years.


1. Strawberry shortcake and He-man!......i have a pic of me when i was like 3 or 4 in red sweat pants...rainbow suspenders...roller skates...and a metal Strawberry Shortcake lunch box....i was apparently raised by disco roller derby parents. who puts a 3 year old in skates with rainbow suspenders?? anyways, loved watching He-man...*i have the poooowerr* i was a total tomboy! i had the green tiger he rode and Skeletor and his castle of doom...i think i was my father's only son even tho i have a vajayjay!

2. the Smurfs and the Snorks! i watched the Smurfs all. the. time! i loved Gargamel and that damn raspy sounding cat. i wanted to be Smurfette for the longest!..how fucking awesome would that be to be THE ONLY chic in your world!?? and the Snorks..ya'll remeber them??...they were like underwater smurfs with peen shaped things on their heads. loved them too!

3. Fraggle Rock- thats just a classic..everyone loved Fraggle Rock!!

4. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Transformers, Thundercats- like i said, i was a Tomboy...enuff said.
5. Gummy Bears- the adorable lil bears that lived in the tree and dressed like Robin Hood and drank the gummy juice to go bouncing everywhere!! "gummy bearsss....bouncin here and there and everywhere!!"


1. colored jeans......hot at the time..but not a good look....yellow, pink, blue jeans. not the jeans that were cut from colored cloth. but the jeans that looked like regular jeans...but than were dyed over top in awful neon colors. you know what i mean??

2. bedazzled jean jackets- lmaooo @ this one. i had a Godmama that had no kids and was RICH so she would take us every summer to Disneyland and Atlanta and Tampa...fun times....but she bought pretty much all our clothes for us cuz my parents was poor as hell and aint buy us shit!... so she made each of my 5 sisters these AWFUL dazzzly, shiney, puff painted, color coded jean jackets!! imagine going back to the hood with Guess, Marithe Francois Girbraud *waaay before it was cool and the hood rocked them*, Calvin Klein, Ann Taylor, all that super duper white ppl shit and all ur friends rocking Jordache and bobo's looking at u like u crazy!!

3. Z-cavarechi....Skidz....and Sleep Wear. remeber when rocking the pajama outfits was hot?? i think it was called Sleep Wear...lil cotton top and bottoms with the pin stripes and pajama themes on em. Skidz were that baggy ass checkered pants or overalls. HOT @ the time!...and Z. Cavarechi was them pants that had major hip room....they were like str8 legged but poofed waaaay out in the hip and pocket area....dont know why but kids rocked em!

4. "love eric" socks. yall remember them??...they were SUPER THICK and scrunched down i think they was called E.G socks and every pair had one sock with "love eric" scrawled in cursive @ the bottom. my label whore friends used to try and look @ the bottom of everyones socks to see if they had the "real" ones or bootleg ones. i always had the bootleg ones! whores.

5. NEON colors. neon glasses, neon bike shorts, neon shirts, neon jackets, neon shoes. i had a BAD ass pair of LA Gear high tops that were neon green and yellow with 2 shoe laces in each shoe, one of each color....God, i loved them shoes!!

6. Cross Colours, Looney Toon shirts with the characters all thugged up!...lmao...loved that shit!, NIKE...anything NIKE was hot, gold necklaces with ya name, surfer t-shirts * quicksilver, body glove* black folks know they wasnt surfing, even in Lauderdale..but we rocked them tee's!!


1. kool-aid dyed hair...clearly this was white folks...and i tried...but my damn hair was too dark...couldnt see any color!....damn i hated them blond heffas!!
2. gettin Nike checks shaved into ya head!..lol...that shit was crazy..white boys and black boys was doing that!
3. The Shabba Ranks slope fade and the gold rimmed hammer glasses!! sexxxxy!!
4. the huge teased and hairsprayed bangs...again white gurls.
5. taking the lil chip bags and putting them in water, and than in the microwave so they shrink up and making a key chain out of them! did ya'll ever do that??
6. slap bracelets. nuff said!
7. puttin blow pops in ya pony tail....2 or 3 of em....saving em for later! lol blue rasberry blow pops!! loved em!! atomic fireballs, lemon heads, warheads, and cry babies!!!
8. wearing ya overalls one up, one down...again HOT back then...not so much now! matter of fact..unless u a farmer, or 8 months pregnant..overalls aint for NO ONE!!
9. anything TOMMY HILFIGER.
10. british knights, la gear, fila, finesse *the ones with the half basketball logo* pump up reeboks, saucony, adidas, keds. the Marshall Faulk nikes, the Grant Hill filas, Alonzo Mourning, Micheal Jordan.

lord thats enough!! im tired!!..feel free to leave any memories i forgot!! or anything that was hot in ur area!!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Fucking Music!!

so im sure everyone remember the first song and/or CD that you ever busted it wide open to....we all know imma lil wild, so imma tell my story, and freel free to share yours...i am nosey too!
so the first SONG i ever got it to was, and NO LIE, "me so horney" by LUKE. i grew up in Ft. Lauderdale, so in 1996 it aint that hard to believe thats what Power 96 was playing on that Wednesday afternoon when that big, sexy, black, Bahamian, came over with the golds and the tats and handed me the bizness!! it was only the 2nd time i had ever done it, so i will still a lil scared of his GIANT boxer beast...but i remember laying there thinking "O hell naw! me so horney on the damn radio"!!
now....the first CD i ever got it to was "No More Glory" by MJG...and first let me say...fucking thru a CD implies u getting sum gud dick!! and as im sitting here typing and reminicing i remember that was also the time i got my first ORGASM....thank you MJG! i had had a bunch of dicks at this point....well not a bunch, but i went thru a real hoeish stage between 17 and 19. so this time was with a dude named Raymond, from Memphis....it was his CD he put on..we was in the Ramada Inn..he was a *again, no lie* traveling sales man....he was with a whole bunch of Memphis dudes selling cleaning supplies and shit..but there was like 3 otha dudes in the room....we was in the closet *lmao, i was horrible* but that night, in that Ramada Inn closet...that mafukka made sweet, sweet love to me!!! we fucked thru the whole CD, and he had me busting like a oozie!!!....mmmmm damn MEMPHIS boys! he really had sum good, gentle dick!..*memoriesssss* but anywho....i knew that whole CD when ol boy got done working his magic...i went and bought it the next day!...still a classic CD and in rotation!
"in the middle of the night, we can do it so right...make ya feel real good, lay your head back, side by ride, with ya hand on the wood, could...you tell me all the things that you really wanna hear, have no fear, ill be obliged, step aside, the mac of the year!" - MJG aaaahhhh CLASSIC!!! u hear me!! love this shit!!
last but not least....my FAVORITE time i did it was just last week.....getting it to "you Belong to ME" by Rome with Peanut Butter complected super boy!!! *giggle* XoxoXoxoXooXxOO

4real tho??


who saw this comming?? rumors have it that either he found out she had HERPES from all them pics that have been circulating the web with a huge, hideous, juicy bump on her lip or she went thry his phone and started going off in her Barbados accent bout sum hoe shit!

i ont know what to believe...what i do know..is that Rhianna kinda Amazonianish...and ill be damn if a BUCK o' FIVE mafukka gonna hem me up and give me a damn concussion!! that scrawny dude would have his narrow ass handed to him!! and assault with a deadly weapon?? fareal Cee Bee...u had to pick sumthing UP to fight a woman??...he a real pusstastic mafukka....i wonder if he was singing "Beat ya downnn...i'm really gonna beat ya down"!?? wouldnt that be sum shit? you.tube..where is the footage of this??

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Kool-Aid Kanye

as if we needed more evidence of his fruity liscious tang tang self...like hanging with a dude in leopard print pants wasnt enough.....i found this today.... PO THANG...

"Everyone in hip-hop discriminates against gay people," Kanye West says. Kanye West says "gay" has become an antonym to hip-hop - and that it needs to be stopped. During an interview for an MTV special, the 27-year-old rapper launched into a discussion about hip-hop and homosexuality while talking about "Hey Mama," a song on his upcoming album, "Late Registration." West says that when he was young, people would call him a "mama's boy." "And what happened was, it made me kind of homophobic, 'cause it's like I would go back and question myself," West says on the show, "All Eyes on Kanye West," set to air Thursday night (10:30 p.m. ET). West says he changed his ways, though, when he learned one of his cousins was gay. "It was kind of like a turning point when I was like, `Yo, this is my cousin. I love him and I've been discriminating against gays."' West says hip-hop was always about "speaking your mind and about breaking down barriers, but everyone in hip-hop discriminates against gay people." He adds that in slang, gay is "the opposite, the exact opposite word of hip-hop." Kanye's message: "Not just hip-hop, but America just discriminates. And I wanna just, to come on TV and just tell my rappers, just tell my friends, `Yo, stop it."' West, whose debut disc "The College Dropout" won a Grammy for best rap album, will see his second record in stores on Aug. 30.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Why KANYE, Why??

FORREAL THO??.....i mean Kanye had potential right??

maybe he taking the death of his Mama alot harder than we all think.

i been upset with him for a minute...why he looking like a darker Phillip Michael Thomas via Miami Vice circa 1982??...i seen him on Saturday NIght Live, with that horrific Shag cut and them Kool Moe D glasses...WTF!..stop bringing the '80's back people!! and he bringing it waaaaaaaaayy to hard!! im seriously thinkin this is our first mainstream GAY rapper!
he was in Paris this past week for men's fashion week....mens. fashion. week. in. Paris...i mean that pretty much sums it up!...BUT he was there we these mafukkas (pictured above) and Farnsworth Bently....in Paris...for fashion shows...ummmm my GAYDAR couldnt be going off anymore if i was in a room with Richard Simmons, a bedazzler, and them 2 tangy guys i seen on wheel of fortune the other nite....( pat: "and who is ur guest Robert?" robert: "thatssss my fianccaaeee, Larry" *quick gay embrace*)

My prediction..Kanye is gay as hell.

he carries a MURSE for fucks sake!..a giant Louis Vuitton PURSE!...not a duffle bag...not a backpack..but a PURSE, for men..but still a PURSE!!

so..tangy, zesty men of the world....you can two snaps and twist have this one!! cuz HONAAAYYY...i dont want him!

*and the '80's shit that is coming back sooo hard, we gonna address that a lil later...cuz i am HATING it!! (voice of David Alan Grier in 2 men & a movie)

Thursday, January 22, 2009


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

" Rosa sat, so Martin could walk.

Martin walked, so Barack could run.

and Barack ran, so our children can fly"

i get goosebumps every time i read or recite that. i read it somewhere awhile ago, and i believe it.

Today is a great day. and Today, i am truly proud to be an AMERICAN. we did it.

black, white, hispanic. we came together and changed this country. everything our ancestors did has finally paid off. he isnt just black folks president.....he is EVERY AMERICANS' PRESIDENT! and i love it!!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Am I That Fat??

i mean i know imma BIG GURL...but is it a sign that i'm truly a fat girl....or maybe just truly a poor person....but besides gettin my license unsuspended and hookin up my ride...the thing i am MOST EXCITED about when i get my *ova $7,500.00* in tax return....the thing I AM MOST EXCITED about is......


YAYYYY...i have been watchin Applebee's and Olive Garden sommercials and FOAMING @ the damn mouth!.....i am sooooo sick of spaghetti...hamburger helper....and the always exciting, *breakfast for dinner* cuz a box of add water pancake mix is like $2.00 and make damn near 30 pancakes!!

bitch my fat ass need to EAT!..u hear me?...i already got a week worth of dinner planned in my head....."would you like to supersize that?"....why, yes....yes i WOULD!!

Friday, January 16, 2009

Jemima Gonna Be My Daughter-In-law

so my son tells me last night he wants to MARRY AUNT JEMIMA.

imma let that marinate for a sec!!!

i think he was in a mild diabetic coma, and just was soooo happy he was gettin "real syrup" that he bout pissed in his clothes. and than points to the pic on the bottle and tells me "mama, imma eat her, and than marry her" and on that note, i almost pissed in my clothes!!!

he's 6. it was ADORABLE....and Aunt Jemima..if you reading this...i really wouldnt mind. just gotta be careful with all your syruppy sweetness. my baby is diabetic and he cant handle all that SUGAR.

Open Letter

Dear Down Stairs Neighbor,

Hey there, how you doing?.....i know you may have seen me around a few times. i stay upstairs.
i see you often, as a matter of fact my babydaddy has bought a few sacks from you. i think your name is Mike....i would just like to say YUMMMY!....

i want you to know that i would put a hurtin on you. i would do things to you that aint never been done. you're chunky, dark skind, and got dreads!...the things i would do to you!! you just dont know. i have been told that my head game is MAGNIFICENT....i would go above and beyond anything i have previously done. you would get hooked on a fat white girl so damn fast! i would literally try to suck the black off your peen. please dont be alarmed, im a very upfront person. i say exactly what the fuck is on my mind. and i know i dont have ASS, but believe me when i say, i got cushion in mah draws, its just in the front. u wont even notice i dont got booty! and like Plies say, " i feel like fucking.....i want you to lay up in something wet and punish something!" i know you know what im talking bout. ive heard you bumpin Plies quite a few times.

i know you've seen me before...i believe we had a moment when i pulled up in my Monte Carlo and was jamming to " Bitch, im me! bitch, im me..and you pussy ass n*ggas ya'll can keep on hating, waiting for my downfall, ya'll can keep on waiting, on me!" u looked..i looked...and we had a brief moment. i just wasnt you to know, in that moment, i saw EXACTLY what the hell i wanted to do to you!!

so, no pressure..cuz i get dick...i aint desperate....i just wanna FUCK YOU!.....so if u ever lonely one night..come knock on Apt 146...i would fuck your whole world up! dont worry bout my babydaddy, he aint shit...and he cant say shit. you just come holla @ ya girl if u need the best head and puss u have ever had in ya life. ill even show you my *patent pending* special move. it will make ya toes curl like plastic in a microwave. TRUST.

get at me!















I Aint A Damn "Becky"!!

i hate white girls. i hate white girls that fuck with black dudes even more. i hate a chick that fuck with Tyrone to make her Daddy mad, or her ex (white) boyfriend, or her Mama, or her whole damn family, or whatever.
i grew up in Ft. Lauderdale. and we was poor. i had Jamaican friends, Haitian friends, even a few Cuban friends. i grew up like they did. i hated police and white ppl just like the rest of my friends did. i got the *white side eye* plenty of times!! maybe because most ppl thot i was spanish or maybe it was the company i kept. either way, i grew up oppressed feeling and hating the world too! i dont think me and a white dude could ever have ANYTHING in common. i know and sing more rap songs than most dudes i know, what me and Timmy gonna talk about?....the Bible said you shouldnt be "unevenly yolked". i have always been attracted to black men. *ALWAYS*. aint shit a white man could ever do for me. thats just me. but these white girls out here that act like its the newest fad make me sick. and the black dudes that fuck with em make me sick. how u in walmart with becky and her two lilly white kids as one happy family??...thats like me walking around with my 2 beautiful *black* babies and Jimbo in cowboy boots and damn trucker hat.

nuh uh! one of these things aint like the other!!

so Becky...leave Tyrone alone. he aint for you. go back to Timmy and work shit out. it aint time to try new things. stick to what you know!
you either new to it...or you true to it!

and *this is my life* i am TRUE to it!!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

"Fuck You DUDE" is what i say!

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house .
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission.. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' .. that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a woman' s way of saying F-- YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Have A Happy Period

This is a letter from an Austin , TX woman sent to American company Proctor & Gamble regarding their feminine products.

She really gets rolling after the first paragraph.

It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.

'Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...

Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period. Are you kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?

Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don 't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.For the love of God, pull your head out, man!

If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong',

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh*t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.


Wendi Aarons

Austin , TX

Jelly Belly

so my baby girl Jelly, is a lil on the chunky side. like Mama..and Daddy.
she's 9, she's adorable, she's funny, she's smart as hell, just made all A's and one B on her report card yesterday. i love my babygirl!! she's been thru alot with me...the one and only time i lived alone, when i was 20 and she was just a baby, it was just me and her!...but because she is Ssoooooo like me we often fuss @ eachother and what not....but thats not the point of this post.....

me and Grimace get into a huge argument the other day about my Jelly Belly.
he thinks she eats too fast and too much.....and one day she will grow up to be HUGELY obese which will make problems in her life and she wont be accepted.

ummm we aint talkin like she EAT all damn day or she eats like a grown ass man. she just eats. i think its normal...he says i eat fast as hell too..been picking on me since we met. ask me shit like "did you even taste that" when i get done eating and what not....so she eat like me...big deal!!

he gets mad with her when she even ask about food.

Jelly: "whats for dinner"
Grimace: "you a child, what the hell you worried bout dinner for? you gunna eat what ever is on the plate anyways!"

so after biting my tounge for awhile now, cuz he still Daddy and should have some say in his childrens life.....i got pissed off!....she made sum "YummmMMm, Pizza" comment and he went off on her! so i laid into his fukkin ass.....how you guna tell her how to fuckin think!..leave her the fuck alone. hell!, im fat, youre fat..she gunna be fucking chubby....she wont never wear a size damn 2. u want her ass to be anorexic?... you want her to hate herself if she is chubby?, cuz inevitably she will be chubby...LEAVE HER AND HER DAMN FOOD ALONE!!

i mean for real tho....i know it's not healthy to be overweight....i know i want her to be happy and have a good childhood, and being self conscious about what u eat, or how you eat around ya damn daddy aint no good either!! she is fine with the fact she got a lil belly!...she loves herself..she know she's cute!..why the fuck this fat sad mafukka got to try and make her feel like shit ??....he fat and had a miserable childhood cuz he was HUGE in the 5th grade ( i seen pics ). i was always chunky, but i played sports..i had boyfriends, and ppl LOVED me!...i was the cute ass funny fat girl!..wasnt that bad!!..but he's afraid she gonna be fat and miserable like him!!

i dont know, i felt bad for cussing his ass out and telling him to STFU and go sit his ass down somewhere and let me worry bout my daughter, because i know he is only thinking of her...but he going about in TOTALLY the wrong way!!...

what you think?

MMMmmMMmMm Num Yummy!

do i have bad taste????

sooo Plies is the exception, but i like em DarK! meat on the bones and and a face only a Mama (and me) could love.

i like tats and or scars, i like rough ass hands, i like thick legs but well defined ankles...not Cankles..but a nice ass well defined ankle area. i like moobs (man boobs) ..now i know thats gunna be NASSY to ya'll...but not like b's or c's or anything....i call em 'prison titties'...thick ass chest area and a nice nipple...i like sucking nipples....think what you want. i like broad shoulders, a big back, and a lil belly hang. listen, imma big chick..chunky, if u please..i cant have no lil ass man. alll my fat girl associates say im crazy!! " a skinny man can get in them nook and crannies" is what my associate 'head & shoulders' says. bitch is u an english muffin??? nuh uh! he can also leave ya ass bruises on the inside on ya thighs from his boney ass hips! no thank you!! if we go to war, i cant be afraid if i throw it back i might knock your ass across the room! my girls over at YKYDAW (youknowyoudeadazzwrong) always say EWWWWWW THUNDA! everytime i say someone sexy!...except NEVER..she usually on my level (usually)... do i have bad taste?? i mean hell, somebody gotta love looking @ these mafukkas! and i am just that bitch..like MO say, "she beautiful to someone"...well that mafukka sexy to me!! so if you see me in the streets with a CRISPY ass, fat, black, tatted up, goonish looking mafukka...dont question me....ITS WHAT I LIKE!!

so in summation, (sp chk?) i like em dark, fat, rough, and possibly an ex-con! DONT YOU JUDGE ME! and please feel free to leave ya application in the comments if thats you, and i will get back to ya!!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Question Of The Day

is a woman hoe just cuz she enjoys sex???

why do we gotta fuck 4 something besides dick?.......if we like a dude and we wanna hunch, why we gotta get money, or some other compensation to justify us fuckin off rip??

does a dude appreciate a no bullshittin ass woman?...if i wanna fuck and you wanna fuck, why cant we lay the bullshit aside and fuck??....if u step to me with the lil game spittin that fellas do, and i say " Bruah, all that aint neccesary, i'm down, if you down. lets set up a mutual understanding and do what we feel like doing" am i a HOE?

why Grimace told me last year when he was fukkin every fat bitch that would give up the snatch he was better than me cuz atleast he was fuckin for $, weed, food(???) etc? and cuz i was just fukkin for dick, intimacy, relations, that i aint shit?!!

so as an adult, male or female, if u honest and upfront bout what u want and u fuck with no dates and for no compensation (other than the sex) does that make you a hoe??......

and as a dude, if you fuck with a female that thinks like that, is she just a hoe to you??..or do u RESPECT that she's a real ass female that's honest and upfront?..do u respect that??...or no matter how u get the pussy, if u get it off rip, she's just a hoe??


Pull ya Draws UP!

keep ya head up!....deall with the shit u got, and strive for better!

i tell my self the serenity prayer all the time...cuz why im always trying to change sum damn body??...my head is smart, says "2 tears in a buckett...MUTHA FUKK it"....but my soft ass heart says.."Awwwww, be nice...he will change..stick it out"....man...im tired of being lead by my heart..its time for my no nonsense ass brain to kick it into gear and handle biz....

please grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change
the strength to change the things that i can
and the wisdom to know the difference!!



<~~~~~ GRIMACE
so, now that the introductions are done...... my first real post....and of course it's about Grimace....let me tell ya'll first off that i am real proud of myself for not knocking his mafukkin fronts out this morning...but my license is suspended, and i needed a ride to work.

so i wake up @ 6:30 to get the kids ready and breakfast and shots for my son and what -not..plus i gotta get ALLL OF THHIISSS *jazz hands up body* REATS TO GO...so i smoke the last 2 cigs in the pack that i seen on the table...assuming since he had been gone the night before for like 4 hours "chilling with his sister" that he had his own damn cigs..well this mafukka wake up with a 'TUDE...cuz he aint got nuthin to smoke...i say "my bad, i thot u had another pack"....do you know what this mafukka says to me...my eyes are squinting now just thinking about it...he says to me " IT AINT YOUR JOB TO THINK"...is you serious mafukka??....i swear fore God i almost lost all self control and knocked that lazy, lil dick mafukka across the room....but i BIT MY TOUNGE...i bit. my. tounge. i dont never bite my tounge...i ususally let the bitch HAVE IT....i got a mouth for ya ass, trust..but it was early...my kids was right there..so i just SMILED and walked off....got my ass in the passenger seat and got driven to work like MISS mafukkn DAISY!...

he was so hot he wouldnt even stop and get cigs. LMAO...and im broke till tomorrow, so he did it just to spite me....lol...thot id be struggling all day with out a newport....bitch please..my sis work here...i been smoking ports all day!! get ya mind right!..and best believe he better not even fix his mouth to ask me for a cig when i get paid tomorrow....

i hate him!


well well well.....allow me to introduce myself...my name is THUNDACAT!.....and reading everybody else's business has really made me want to share mine...hell, bitches is nosey!!

im a 28 year old white and indian chick ( blackfoot and cherokee) born and raised in FLORIDA. i have 2 bee uuttee full mixed kids, one daughter who is 9, we will call her Jelly....(*giggle*) and a 6 year son, who is diabetic, and we will call him Ter-Bear.

my life aint been easy by any means...but this late in the game i really just try to smile and keep my head up. i got a babydaddy that, even tho i love him & he has many good qualities, overall...he aint shit! i pay all the bills and he mooches off his family to meet the rest of our needs. he dont work, and even tried "slangin" for a lil while, but realized he was smoking any profit he was making off the product. later on him, im sure!

i dont have much family that i am in contact with....my dad is a raging alkie and aint even sober enough to speak half the time, and when he does, he just crys. i cant even deal with it. my mom decided to become racist late in life when she met her current man, so i havent spoken to her in sum years....i have 5 sisters...1's a crackhead..like "ill suck ya dick for a rock behind this 7-11" crackhead....not a play-play crackhead...one sister lives in Texas and really aint bout shit, she got issues GALORE..and really i got my own...so who needs more? one sister i work with and lives here in Tally. and another who is just like me and we see each other regularly. and a younger one that still lives with my mom, so that relationship is pretty much gone. i love my sisters, but i really dont get involved in they lives, cuz i got my own shit to deal with.

so basically my life and is me and my kids...and of course Grimace ( the babydaddy ).

its '09 man! like Barack say.."its time for a change!!!"

stay tuned!